Why is it so easy to give up & quit ?
Like right now I feel like throwing in the towel
but my pride won't let me give up.
Man I want to go to NYC so bad
I'm finish with college & NYC would be my next step to getting to my dreams
Someone encourage me
Monday, July 11, 2011
:-/
Right now I feel...
- sad
- mad
- frustrated
- bloated
- confused
- incomplete
How I want to feel...
- happy
- accomplished
- thankful
- complete
Right now I feel like nobody cares about me.... I feel like the only thing they care about is what they can benefit from me like my time, my love, my attention,. and etc.
I feel like nobody wants me to succeed or get a head in life, they all just want me to stay stagnant & stay in one place but I can't that's not me.
I'm a creative and I must move.... I must visit new places so I can increase my mind & learn more.
I want to be happy but it seems like nobody wants my happiness... they just want me to make them happy & that's it.
IDK
Monday, June 6, 2011
Miserable 101
Right now
I wish I had someone to talk to
Feeling really sad
hope this doesn't get bad
this is all temperately
I wish I had someone to talk to
Feeling really sad
hope this doesn't get bad
this is all temperately
Friday, May 6, 2011
I Miss YOu
I been thinking bout this for a while now
Like how you use to make me smile
Wow
Time has past since I been with you
You probably dont have a clue that I actually miss you
I miss the you before all the downfall
I miss the you so ambitious & goal oriented
The you that never treated me like a doll
Some toy you just pick up & put down when ever needing entertainment or to turn ya frown upside down
I miss the you that had such a heart filled with joy that you could never tell that ya heart was actually destroy
I miss you
But maybe that was never you
& just a cover up to get me to like you
IDK I just miss you but I know you ok :-)
Like how you use to make me smile
Wow
Time has past since I been with you
You probably dont have a clue that I actually miss you
I miss the you before all the downfall
I miss the you so ambitious & goal oriented
The you that never treated me like a doll
Some toy you just pick up & put down when ever needing entertainment or to turn ya frown upside down
I miss the you that had such a heart filled with joy that you could never tell that ya heart was actually destroy
I miss you
But maybe that was never you
& just a cover up to get me to like you
IDK I just miss you but I know you ok :-)
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Monday, May 2, 2011
Missing you..
What should I do when I'm missing you
Should I wait till you call me
Or should I call you
Since I'm the one that's feeling lonely
It's not really Loneliness per say
It's just ___________________________
Idk forget it
Should I wait till you call me
Or should I call you
Since I'm the one that's feeling lonely
It's not really Loneliness per say
It's just ___________________________
Idk forget it
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Sunday, April 24, 2011
I want....
I am a women
Yet I still feel like a girl
Maybe cause i still have that twist & turl
That the young girls do
I dont know
All I know is
I want what I want
What I want want want
Yeah like Rihanna
But not complete like her
Cause she get coocoo
And that aint me
Hmmmmm
TO BE CONT till I FIND A SOLUTION....
Yet I still feel like a girl
Maybe cause i still have that twist & turl
That the young girls do
I dont know
All I know is
I want what I want
What I want want want
Yeah like Rihanna
But not complete like her
Cause she get coocoo
And that aint me
Hmmmmm
TO BE CONT till I FIND A SOLUTION....
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Saturday, April 23, 2011
Proud
I'm proud of you
But I still dont want you
I'm proud of me
Cause even tho you said the right words
They didnt effect me... Sorry
Once you put ya words to action
& breath out some kinda satifaction
Then maybe
just maybe
you'll get some action
With me or somebody
I don't know
All I know is I want you to do something
Something great
Something wonderful
For yourself
I know you are capable
Because I know you
And I love you
But I still dont want you
I'm proud of me
Cause even tho you said the right words
They didnt effect me... Sorry
Once you put ya words to action
& breath out some kinda satifaction
Then maybe
just maybe
you'll get some action
With me or somebody
I don't know
All I know is I want you to do something
Something great
Something wonderful
For yourself
I know you are capable
Because I know you
And I love you
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Friday, April 22, 2011
To my knowledge, its over....
Its over
I know it
You know it
Actually
We both probably been known it
For a long time
But just said nothing
Trying to make whatever
was there
To reappear
But its gone
And probably
Wont be back
For how long
Who knows
I dont
And for right now
Im not trying to figure it out
I know it
You know it
Actually
We both probably been known it
For a long time
But just said nothing
Trying to make whatever
was there
To reappear
But its gone
And probably
Wont be back
For how long
Who knows
I dont
And for right now
Im not trying to figure it out
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Tuesday, April 19, 2011
How im feel right now lol
Feeling kinda strange
Maybe it's the week
Today is on Wednesday
Maybe it's cause I talked to my mommy
I dont know
All I know is I dont want to be bother
By you or those that look like you
Just leave me be
Give me time to think
Maybe a week
I will be fine
& so will you
So i'm gonna be kind
And not say F you
That would be rude
& not right
The best thing that i would like
Is for us to stay tight
But not to close because ya never know
What one could be holding on to
Maybe it's the week
Today is on Wednesday
Maybe it's cause I talked to my mommy
I dont know
All I know is I dont want to be bother
By you or those that look like you
Just leave me be
Give me time to think
Maybe a week
I will be fine
& so will you
So i'm gonna be kind
And not say F you
That would be rude
& not right
The best thing that i would like
Is for us to stay tight
But not to close because ya never know
What one could be holding on to
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Thursday, April 7, 2011
Random Thought Before I Go to Bed: Games
Question: Why do we play games... mind games or tricks or clues... etc? Why?
A: IDK... I think its kinda natural & embeded in women or men to do this. I actually believe we don't know we are doing this.
Women: We are always waiting for guys to take the lead in everything & that kind hinder us from stepping out with making decision which is a shame because before them you was being all INDEPENDANT & stuff.. What happen?
Men: You guys be acting CLUELESS... but I swear ya'll are smart. Like I swear ya'll know how to get what ya'll want well some of ya'll. At times, you don't even have to do anything & you just get it handed to you for FREE
Women: If you want to talk to him, talk to him, call him or text him... but dont overdo it tho & you can wait on him to contact you but that might take some time... so maybe you should just contact him so you won't die
Men: Don't keep a woman waiting or she will move on to another dude
Women: The same in reverse
Okay I'm going to bed.
A: IDK... I think its kinda natural & embeded in women or men to do this. I actually believe we don't know we are doing this.
Women: We are always waiting for guys to take the lead in everything & that kind hinder us from stepping out with making decision which is a shame because before them you was being all INDEPENDANT & stuff.. What happen?
Men: You guys be acting CLUELESS... but I swear ya'll are smart. Like I swear ya'll know how to get what ya'll want well some of ya'll. At times, you don't even have to do anything & you just get it handed to you for FREE
Women: If you want to talk to him, talk to him, call him or text him... but dont overdo it tho & you can wait on him to contact you but that might take some time... so maybe you should just contact him so you won't die
Men: Don't keep a woman waiting or she will move on to another dude
Women: The same in reverse
Okay I'm going to bed.
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Lately...
Lately,
I been buggin
I been feelin a bit of Up & Down
It's like someone put me in a blender
And got my head spinning around and around
That for some reason, I could no longer hear the sound
Of my own voice
You know that Inner Me that tells you
What's right & what's wrong
Which way to go & which way to turn
Who to talk to & who to leave alone
Lately,
I been igoring it all
With fear that I might fall
Sadly, I know
That's not the way to go
I had fell into a pit that I had digged
And for some reason, I didnt know how to get out of it.
My mind kept on coming up with all these questions of Groupies vs. Friends...
Life or Death....
Where should I go...
When does this story end ?
I just scream out "NO, I can't do this anymore..
Sending myself into isolation... confusion... Self doubt...
That's not what I live for,
That's not what I'm about"
Back to the Norm
Back to my Regular Form
Embracing my imperfections
Leading me into the right direction
Of where I should I go
Who I should I know
Lately,
I been feeling good
I been getting it in
Endlessly Winning
With a friend
Thank you God for bring me out
With you.. there is no reason to doubt.
I been buggin
I been feelin a bit of Up & Down
It's like someone put me in a blender
And got my head spinning around and around
That for some reason, I could no longer hear the sound
Of my own voice
You know that Inner Me that tells you
What's right & what's wrong
Which way to go & which way to turn
Who to talk to & who to leave alone
Lately,
I been igoring it all
With fear that I might fall
Sadly, I know
That's not the way to go
I had fell into a pit that I had digged
And for some reason, I didnt know how to get out of it.
My mind kept on coming up with all these questions of Groupies vs. Friends...
Life or Death....
Where should I go...
When does this story end ?
I just scream out "NO, I can't do this anymore..
Sending myself into isolation... confusion... Self doubt...
That's not what I live for,
That's not what I'm about"
Back to the Norm
Back to my Regular Form
Embracing my imperfections
Leading me into the right direction
Of where I should I go
Who I should I know
Lately,
I been feeling good
I been getting it in
Endlessly Winning
With a friend
Thank you God for bring me out
With you.. there is no reason to doubt.
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Call Me
I want you to call me
When you're thinking of me
Yeah, texting is good
Facebook is great
But honey, I really want you to take me on a date
You know a nice night on the town
Maybe a place where nobody familar is around
Something simple & sweet
Don't be afraid to be cheesy or cheap
I just want to get away from the normal chillin & cozin in your manly cave
And start cruising & moving outdoors away from your homazes
I want to be with you
Get to know you
See if I really like you
And not just "the silly little things" that we do
You mean more to me that that
I actually care about you
And the things that you do that make you.. you
So go on head & call me boo
Hopefully, I'll see you soon.
When you're thinking of me
Yeah, texting is good
Facebook is great
But honey, I really want you to take me on a date
You know a nice night on the town
Maybe a place where nobody familar is around
Something simple & sweet
Don't be afraid to be cheesy or cheap
I just want to get away from the normal chillin & cozin in your manly cave
And start cruising & moving outdoors away from your homazes
I want to be with you
Get to know you
See if I really like you
And not just "the silly little things" that we do
You mean more to me that that
I actually care about you
And the things that you do that make you.. you
So go on head & call me boo
Hopefully, I'll see you soon.
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Saturday, April 2, 2011
Random Thoughts while watching Monster's INC with the Bro
* I want a job but it has to be flexible so I still have a life & work on Descova U & do events / photo shoots
* I think I finally pushed HIM alway & all I did was give God credit for me being so compassionate lol ok I'm overthinking but if I'm right this is gonna be funny
* I really would like a REALITY TV SHOW of my life... show the world who I am & the things I do & showing them my cool friends... i have some cool people in my life
* I cant wait to dye my hair & finally pierce my nose... im gonna def do that when i finally start driving
* Some times I want to date & have a boyfriend but at times i don't even want to have friends because at times it all a bit too much & i just be want to keep to myself
* Can't wait to visit NYC
* I think I finally pushed HIM alway & all I did was give God credit for me being so compassionate lol ok I'm overthinking but if I'm right this is gonna be funny
* I really would like a REALITY TV SHOW of my life... show the world who I am & the things I do & showing them my cool friends... i have some cool people in my life
* I cant wait to dye my hair & finally pierce my nose... im gonna def do that when i finally start driving
* Some times I want to date & have a boyfriend but at times i don't even want to have friends because at times it all a bit too much & i just be want to keep to myself
* Can't wait to visit NYC
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Monday, March 28, 2011
Goals
Ok so I have a couple of goals that I need to accomplished for the next couple months before June 18 which is the day of my Graduation Ceremony.
Since I am already out of school, I have enough time to accomplish all these tasks & I have the help, so there will be no worries.
(1) Driver's License - I have to & need to get them asap. And when I get them... I'm only gonna tell a few people... the others will find out on their own.. like the might see me driving on the street right next to them & they will say "what... when did that happen? " & I will just smile & say in my head bow thaodow how ya like me now & keep it moving since i would be driving I'M READY... BEEN READY... now I have the time.. so I'm good
(2) Resumes OUT - My resume looks fab & I need employers too see it so I'm gonna go to all the malls mainless, Town Center, Perimeter, & Lenox cause girlfriend needs a J-O-B asap
(3) - Phone Calls - I have a couple of phone calls to make to get info about "The Future" so I'm gonna make a couple phone calls this week. Petra Alexander & Touch By An Angel are calling my name loud & clear
(4) Cut off Usless waste - Somethings or some people I no longer need in my life.... its funny cause I just notice that i use people as much as the use me... I use people as a security blanket sometimes like when im starting something new... I like to make myself feel like they are holding me back but in reality I'm the one that's holding myself back... so I got to make some changes & move a head :-)
(5) Tithing/Offering - this should have been my 1st goals because i been putting it last for the last couple of months & thats not good... God has been too good to me to put him last... I'm working on alot of stuff.. but nothing to hard unless i make it that way
(6) Promoting MYSELF aka DESCOVA U - I did such a great job in my Portfolio Review with my teachers & Portfolio Show was awesome... so I need to promote myself more often... like carrying my business cards with me at all times
+++These goals are pretty simple... cant wait to accomplished them... I love setting goals+++
Since I am already out of school, I have enough time to accomplish all these tasks & I have the help, so there will be no worries.
(1) Driver's License - I have to & need to get them asap. And when I get them... I'm only gonna tell a few people... the others will find out on their own.. like the might see me driving on the street right next to them & they will say "what... when did that happen? " & I will just smile & say in my head bow thaodow how ya like me now & keep it moving since i would be driving I'M READY... BEEN READY... now I have the time.. so I'm good
(2) Resumes OUT - My resume looks fab & I need employers too see it so I'm gonna go to all the malls mainless, Town Center, Perimeter, & Lenox cause girlfriend needs a J-O-B asap
(3) - Phone Calls - I have a couple of phone calls to make to get info about "The Future" so I'm gonna make a couple phone calls this week. Petra Alexander & Touch By An Angel are calling my name loud & clear
(4) Cut off Usless waste - Somethings or some people I no longer need in my life.... its funny cause I just notice that i use people as much as the use me... I use people as a security blanket sometimes like when im starting something new... I like to make myself feel like they are holding me back but in reality I'm the one that's holding myself back... so I got to make some changes & move a head :-)
(5) Tithing/Offering - this should have been my 1st goals because i been putting it last for the last couple of months & thats not good... God has been too good to me to put him last... I'm working on alot of stuff.. but nothing to hard unless i make it that way
(6) Promoting MYSELF aka DESCOVA U - I did such a great job in my Portfolio Review with my teachers & Portfolio Show was awesome... so I need to promote myself more often... like carrying my business cards with me at all times
+++These goals are pretty simple... cant wait to accomplished them... I love setting goals+++
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Sunday, March 27, 2011
Ready
Ready for a Change
Ready for something new
Ready to meet new people in a new state
Ready to fall in love or may I say grow in love but with who
Ready to start my life as an offical adult
Ready to move
Ready to get what needs to be got
Overall I'm just ready for Newness... I just recently graduate from college... and I'm ready to move into my life as an REAL adult doing big things.
Ready for something new
Ready to meet new people in a new state
Ready to fall in love or may I say grow in love but with who
Ready to start my life as an offical adult
Ready to move
Ready to get what needs to be got
Overall I'm just ready for Newness... I just recently graduate from college... and I'm ready to move into my life as an REAL adult doing big things.
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Saturday, March 5, 2011
Who are You ?
Baby, where are you?
Sometimes I wish I could be near you
Or with you
Every step of the way
Watching you from behind just doing ya thang
Smiling to myself or to my girls saying things like
That's my guy
I can't even lie
He just make me feel so alive
Inside & Out
I could never doubt
That he loves me
As much as I love him
On daily
I want to see you
Or just hear from you
So I can know what's up with you
But first things first
Who are you?
Sometimes I wish I could be near you
Or with you
Every step of the way
Watching you from behind just doing ya thang
Smiling to myself or to my girls saying things like
That's my guy
I can't even lie
He just make me feel so alive
Inside & Out
I could never doubt
That he loves me
As much as I love him
On daily
I want to see you
Or just hear from you
So I can know what's up with you
But first things first
Who are you?
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Monday, February 28, 2011
20 Random "Ash" Thoughts for the Morning
So.. I haven't blogged in a long bit but, I still been writing tho, thanks to my Creative Writing class.
But anyways, I got a couple things on my noggin that I want to expression
(1) If a turtle looses its shell.. is he naked or homeless? (I saw that on twitter or tumbler and thought it was cute)
(2) I need a job & much more
(3) What's the deal with Black people & POLO and Mexicans & Aeropostale
(4) Why are "strange men" attracted to me... maybe Im a stranger
(5) When things are going right in my life, why do i always find some way to make a problem occur?
(6) Polo starting to annoy me... not Ralph Lauren but Polo.. there's a difference
(7) I love Bruno Mars, B.o.B., Janelle Monae, Far East Movement, Marsha Ambrious, and other new artists
(8) Why do I feel like I'm being tested when I seriously thought I was doing the testing.. how assignments get swapped
(9) I want my portfolio to be FAB but I'm kinda afraid that I want get what I want because at times it seems like I don't get what I want
(10) I want to go shopping for some cute & short spring/summer dresses... this summer I am gonna wear more shorts also... sidenote: I need a new bathsuit... Im unsure if I can wear a 2 piece this year even some people on the beach be doing a bikini wrong
(11) You can love someone and not be inlove with them... i know that & I understand that
(12) Subs in the Park = :-)
(13) I have to stop giving my number out to people i dont attend talking to
(14) I have a feeling that a bunch of "RELATIONSHIP" are going to bloom this Spring... hopefully they last till Christmas... that would be awesome
(15) I love it when the sky turns different colors.. sometimes its blue.. some times its gray.. sometimes its hott pink... and sometimes its black... the atmosphere is so a female
(16) What is the definition of "originality ?" I personally believe some people are forgetting that or erasing it from their brain cells
(17) I can't stand a man that talks to much... its a bit annoying... pick up a new hobby called "Listening"... its pretty popular at least where I come from
(18) If I could be some where other then here in GA, I would either be either in Flo on the beach or in Cali on the beach with a "special someone" just relaxing & enjoy the sun & enjoying each other... that day will come "someday"
(19) Why am I still congested with muchus... omg Lord I need to breath & smell
(20) If I had one wish, it would be to ________________ & then I just might feel complete... lol
---> And that's about it for my Random Thoughts for now<---
~Ash.Jak~
But anyways, I got a couple things on my noggin that I want to expression
(1) If a turtle looses its shell.. is he naked or homeless? (I saw that on twitter or tumbler and thought it was cute)
(2) I need a job & much more
(3) What's the deal with Black people & POLO and Mexicans & Aeropostale
(4) Why are "strange men" attracted to me... maybe Im a stranger
(5) When things are going right in my life, why do i always find some way to make a problem occur?
(6) Polo starting to annoy me... not Ralph Lauren but Polo.. there's a difference
(7) I love Bruno Mars, B.o.B., Janelle Monae, Far East Movement, Marsha Ambrious, and other new artists
(8) Why do I feel like I'm being tested when I seriously thought I was doing the testing.. how assignments get swapped
(9) I want my portfolio to be FAB but I'm kinda afraid that I want get what I want because at times it seems like I don't get what I want
(10) I want to go shopping for some cute & short spring/summer dresses... this summer I am gonna wear more shorts also... sidenote: I need a new bathsuit... Im unsure if I can wear a 2 piece this year even some people on the beach be doing a bikini wrong
(11) You can love someone and not be inlove with them... i know that & I understand that
(12) Subs in the Park = :-)
(13) I have to stop giving my number out to people i dont attend talking to
(14) I have a feeling that a bunch of "RELATIONSHIP" are going to bloom this Spring... hopefully they last till Christmas... that would be awesome
(15) I love it when the sky turns different colors.. sometimes its blue.. some times its gray.. sometimes its hott pink... and sometimes its black... the atmosphere is so a female
(16) What is the definition of "originality ?" I personally believe some people are forgetting that or erasing it from their brain cells
(17) I can't stand a man that talks to much... its a bit annoying... pick up a new hobby called "Listening"... its pretty popular at least where I come from
(18) If I could be some where other then here in GA, I would either be either in Flo on the beach or in Cali on the beach with a "special someone" just relaxing & enjoy the sun & enjoying each other... that day will come "someday"
(19) Why am I still congested with muchus... omg Lord I need to breath & smell
(20) If I had one wish, it would be to ________________ & then I just might feel complete... lol
---> And that's about it for my Random Thoughts for now<---
~Ash.Jak~
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Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Drama Queen Leeches: Who Needs them ? Not I.
Topic of the Day: Why do Females Love Drama?
I am a women that tries to stay away or out of drama but, for some reason I always slip in. I am not a women that craves the action of drama in my life, I barely like it on the big screen or in the media half the time. For some reason, I get involved because I am always trying help a friend or solve their problem and most of the time, I end up making the problem my problem and then I end up with scars and all I was trying to do is help.
Additional Questions:
Why do women like to add their friends into their drama?
When women get out of one situation why do they put themselves in another situations?
When is it right to say "NO"?
I have the answer to my last question. The answer is NOW, RIGHT NOW. Tell all your friends, that have drama field lives to suck on an egg & leave your out of it. Just say "NO...."
~Ash~
I am a women that tries to stay away or out of drama but, for some reason I always slip in. I am not a women that craves the action of drama in my life, I barely like it on the big screen or in the media half the time. For some reason, I get involved because I am always trying help a friend or solve their problem and most of the time, I end up making the problem my problem and then I end up with scars and all I was trying to do is help.
Additional Questions:
Why do women like to add their friends into their drama?
When women get out of one situation why do they put themselves in another situations?
When is it right to say "NO"?
I have the answer to my last question. The answer is NOW, RIGHT NOW. Tell all your friends, that have drama field lives to suck on an egg & leave your out of it. Just say "NO...."
~Ash~
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Failing Test: To Weep or To Try Again & Win
When you keep on failing test after test... its no time to mope & cry. What does that solve anyways, Nothing at all... it just makes you feel worst about yourself and the test that you failed.
You could either dwell in your sorrow or try again. The more you try, you are bound to win. The key to pasting any test is having the knowledge of what on the test. Once you know your stuff, can't nobody tell nothing that you won't pass. Stay Focus. Resist distractions. Stay far away from leeches. And always stay in Faith & Be confidenct.
~Ash~
You could either dwell in your sorrow or try again. The more you try, you are bound to win. The key to pasting any test is having the knowledge of what on the test. Once you know your stuff, can't nobody tell nothing that you won't pass. Stay Focus. Resist distractions. Stay far away from leeches. And always stay in Faith & Be confidenct.
~Ash~
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Decision Time: To Be Selfish or To Not To Be Selfish.. That is Not a Question
Sometimes when you are making a decision, it best to think of both parties and not just yourself.
I seriously think if people would do that FIRST, it would resist a whole lot of trouble and solve more problems, but that's just my opinion vs the world's opinion thats says Me FIRST, You SECOND to LAST. If people were a bit more understanding and caring it would be a bit more easy to eliminate confusion, actually there probably would be less confusion because both parties would understand what the other person is doing is either for their best interest.
Hmm... or maybe we all should just be selfish and just care about our needs only and none of the other person.
Sounds good to me!!! I just might try it out for a couple days, weeks, or months... or maybe a year... instead of 2011 being the year of "Everything's gonna be Alright,"... I'm gonna change it to "Everything is gonna go my way or it's the highway," What you think? I just made that up on the spot.
Anyways, I'm joking, I'm not changing myself to be like other people and their selfish ways, I'm gonna stay me, caring little me.... I'm just gonna care less about people and more about me.
In other words, I'm gonna Mind my own BUSINESS & stay out of other people business. LoL I know that will help both parties... it's especially gonna help me and that's the best decision ever for me :-)
~Ash~
I seriously think if people would do that FIRST, it would resist a whole lot of trouble and solve more problems, but that's just my opinion vs the world's opinion thats says Me FIRST, You SECOND to LAST. If people were a bit more understanding and caring it would be a bit more easy to eliminate confusion, actually there probably would be less confusion because both parties would understand what the other person is doing is either for their best interest.
Hmm... or maybe we all should just be selfish and just care about our needs only and none of the other person.
Sounds good to me!!! I just might try it out for a couple days, weeks, or months... or maybe a year... instead of 2011 being the year of "Everything's gonna be Alright,"... I'm gonna change it to "Everything is gonna go my way or it's the highway," What you think? I just made that up on the spot.
Anyways, I'm joking, I'm not changing myself to be like other people and their selfish ways, I'm gonna stay me, caring little me.... I'm just gonna care less about people and more about me.
In other words, I'm gonna Mind my own BUSINESS & stay out of other people business. LoL I know that will help both parties... it's especially gonna help me and that's the best decision ever for me :-)
~Ash~
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Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I Walk Alone
Right now, I feel so upset with myself. I'm so upset with myself that I am laughing because this is not me.
Have you ever wish you never met person that you have grown close to but not on purpose tho ?
Have you ever made a mistake that you promise yourself that you wouldn't make again?
Do you have any regrets?
Right now, how I am feeling I am regreting meeting one of my friends because I'm starting to feel like the way this person feels & acts with conflict is effecting me and my emotions because their emotions is damage. You know that saying "Misery like company" well that statement seems like it one of my friends favorite quotes because they likes attention and to me that selfish especially when you see that your friend is having a good day and then booom, good day turns sour for no reason at all.
Me & Overthinking - Weeks ago, I examine myself and my overthinking and it had lessed until today... I was fine until I had lunch and then afterwards I started feeling lonely for no reason... I don't get lonely easily cause usually I'm around people and I'm fine but for some odd reason I felt lonely and I was telling myself, that's stupid you have no reason to feel this way and you need to return that trade back to it's owner but the owner couldn't be found.
Anyways, to cut my story short... today I found myself drifting back into overthinking... and I was kinda upset with self over that... yes I'm over beating myself up because I know better but it just heart me because I dont like jumping to conclusions especially if I don't know what's going on.
The Effect of my Overthinking
+ I make things worst
+ I beat up myself about it
+ I hurt my brain with all the non sense thinking
Solution: Don't worry.. Don't second guess... No Mind reading
Decesion: Spend less time on social networks and negetative & unstable friend
---When I make a decision, I keep it especially if it's effecting the way I interact with other people ---
~Ash~
Have you ever wish you never met person that you have grown close to but not on purpose tho ?
Have you ever made a mistake that you promise yourself that you wouldn't make again?
Do you have any regrets?
Right now, how I am feeling I am regreting meeting one of my friends because I'm starting to feel like the way this person feels & acts with conflict is effecting me and my emotions because their emotions is damage. You know that saying "Misery like company" well that statement seems like it one of my friends favorite quotes because they likes attention and to me that selfish especially when you see that your friend is having a good day and then booom, good day turns sour for no reason at all.
Me & Overthinking - Weeks ago, I examine myself and my overthinking and it had lessed until today... I was fine until I had lunch and then afterwards I started feeling lonely for no reason... I don't get lonely easily cause usually I'm around people and I'm fine but for some odd reason I felt lonely and I was telling myself, that's stupid you have no reason to feel this way and you need to return that trade back to it's owner but the owner couldn't be found.
Anyways, to cut my story short... today I found myself drifting back into overthinking... and I was kinda upset with self over that... yes I'm over beating myself up because I know better but it just heart me because I dont like jumping to conclusions especially if I don't know what's going on.
The Effect of my Overthinking
+ I make things worst
+ I beat up myself about it
+ I hurt my brain with all the non sense thinking
Solution: Don't worry.. Don't second guess... No Mind reading
Decesion: Spend less time on social networks and negetative & unstable friend
---When I make a decision, I keep it especially if it's effecting the way I interact with other people ---
~Ash~
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The We Need to Talk Discussion
Tonight's Topic: When a women says she wants to talk to you what does that mean to you ?
When a women says she wants to talk to a man, it can mean any reason at all.
Here are some of the reasons why she wants to talk to you LOL:
- She is concerned about you and your well - being.
- She want to feel you out to see if you have feeling for her.
- She is nosy.
- She wants to be apart of your life.
Truthfully, any of these reason can be why the woman wants to talk to you but, usually it's the last one...she just wants to talk and you are the person she feels she needs to talk to. It's never that deep well for me it isn't.
When I tell a guy, I want to talk to him, usually I just want to talk, eating, and have fun without any pressure or him thinking that I have hopes of us being together especially if he only sees us as friends. To me, if I had those hope of that in return without let him know upfront would be foolishness and I'm not a fool or trying to fool anyone but any who what does this question mean to you.
~Ash~
Monday, January 17, 2011
Inspiration for the Day: Ms. Lauryn Hill
So... I was on my tumbler and I saw a video that my friend Bhoranie Seide posted on her page.
This video was a video of Lauryn Hill at age 25 speaking to a bunch of high school students.
It inspired me and I hope it can do the same for you. Both video are worth watching every minute.
Lauryn Hill speech on Youtube
My Tumblr - Follow Me
Bhoranie's Tumblr - Follow her
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Life, Love, & Poetry
Ok, so I finally chose which poems I am going to perform this Saturday at the Rev Cafe for the Kingdom Within Poetic Praise event. Tickets are still $5 online & $7 at the door.
I am doing The Run Around, Don't Doubt... Figure it Out, and So.. Lord why? (I am going to make a video for that one, so you can understand it because it's a conversation). So... I'm EXCITED.. that's all I can say about that.. I'm gonna get to practicing on Monday.
WHAT'S ON THE MIND OF AN ASH
Ok.... so I have been to many weddings and I have also been in a few but that was when I was a kid. I'm so ready to be someone..... brideMAID.... or maid or honor... See y'all thought I was bout to say I'm ready to be someones BRIDE aka someone's WIFE... that will come in God's timing... he's still working on me and using me while I'm single and I appreciate the attention. Thanks God LOL.
But anyways, back to my topic, I have never been to a wedding where I left stuck in thought of joy, peace, & happiness. The wedding was so beautiful and pure.. you could seriously feel the love in the room. I think the reason why my perspective of love and marriage has changed and I will never look at it the same every again because the last time I remember going to a wedding... I think I was a teenager & marriage wasn't really on my mind... when I was a teenager believe it or not... I didn't really care about guys when I was in high school.. I was too focus on God & school and I blame my youth pastor for that LOL Thank Vega :-p... then came COLLEGE My eyes were opened LOL Being an attendant at The Vegas wedding has got me looking forward to my wedding day & night LOL One day...... :-) I am so happy for you two... Congrats guys!!!
Links
http://www.voiceofhopeinternational.org/
http://www.osheaandfrankie.com/
Kimberly DeWitt - Youtube
My Lil Bruh Calvin's Blog
~Ash~
I am doing The Run Around, Don't Doubt... Figure it Out, and So.. Lord why? (I am going to make a video for that one, so you can understand it because it's a conversation). So... I'm EXCITED.. that's all I can say about that.. I'm gonna get to practicing on Monday.
WHAT'S ON THE MIND OF AN ASH
- What to wear ? - Okay, so we went to church on Friday.. I was LATE but I still heard Pastor G preach and he was dope like usual... so Austyn tonight at Sweet Tomates says he wants to go to church TODAY which was random & wierd for him to say that cause well he's Austyn, so I'm thinkin what am I going to where... I wore a dress yesterday to the wedding... I'm kinda feeling long sleeve tee & jeans... the Lord says come as you are.. so I am :-)
- My lil bruh Calvin - I really appreciate him & he gave me a shout out today LOL
- Him :-)- I'm really proud of him and his friends. I'm looking forward to all that God has plan for them as a whole & because they have a great business a head of them. It's crazy because I honestly i do still think about HIM a lot but, it's not the same as last year... last year, I was thinking about Me & Him together... now I'm just thinking about Him bettering himself... he has a lot a head of him ... so one word FOCUS... I still miss tho.
- Hungry - I really want some ice cream but I have none... NEXT thought...
- This wedding - Congrats Oshea & Fransisco Vega
But anyways, back to my topic, I have never been to a wedding where I left stuck in thought of joy, peace, & happiness. The wedding was so beautiful and pure.. you could seriously feel the love in the room. I think the reason why my perspective of love and marriage has changed and I will never look at it the same every again because the last time I remember going to a wedding... I think I was a teenager & marriage wasn't really on my mind... when I was a teenager believe it or not... I didn't really care about guys when I was in high school.. I was too focus on God & school and I blame my youth pastor for that LOL Thank Vega :-p... then came COLLEGE My eyes were opened LOL Being an attendant at The Vegas wedding has got me looking forward to my wedding day & night LOL One day...... :-) I am so happy for you two... Congrats guys!!!
So... I was about to go to sleep and then I saw my friend Kimberly DeWitt posted a video of herself letting God use her through spoken word.. This video is called Your Will... I hope this can inspire you as much as it inspired me. Thanks Kim :-)
http://www.voiceofhopeinternational.org/
http://www.osheaandfrankie.com/
Kimberly DeWitt - Youtube
My Lil Bruh Calvin's Blog
~Ash~
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
So...I'm doing a show. Pray I remember MY WORDS... :-)
Ok... so I am performing some of my poetry on January 22, 2011 at REV Coffee for Voice of Hope International presents Kingdom Within Poetic Praise featuring Daya Lorin & Preacher Man with Young King, it's a poetry and music event benefiting the shipping of bibles to Africa. Tickets are $5 online & $7 at the door, all proceeds go towards the shipment.
I'm excited because I haven't performed in a long time... well a couple of months but, this should be fun. I just have to put my stuff to memory. That should be easy, Right? Wrong... it takes time to remember a bunch of words, but I see it like this I remember everybody else's stuff (I know the lyrics to more then a 1,000 songs), so I will remember my word especially since they are... well my words
John 14:26 But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatever I have said to you.(AKJV)
Yep, the Lord always brings things back to my remembrance, whatever I need to remember.. whatever the subject matter is. So.. I am gonna do my thang, Saturday, January 22, 2011... is gonna be a great day... hmm that's gonna be a great week. Wait, that's next week... I guess I need to finish these couple of entries and I'm set. It's gonna be to fun, i just might scare away some old people with my words. I bet. But anyways.. I'm excited.. Everything's gonna be ALRIGHT... after this show.. I will do Apache... and then another spot and then another one after that... I'm young I got the time... Ok Good night
Links
~Ash~
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Snow Day #2
So... I'm feeling some kinda of way and I just felt like writing since I'm stuck in the house... all ALONE with my lonesome. :-P
WINTER
Winter has this random effect on SINGLE people of all ages. Like right now, I should be feeling LONELY & SAD cause I'm at home ALONE & I'm SINGLE but... for some odd reason I'm OKAY. Yes, I will admit I am missing a certain person... I've been missing that person for days and weeks, but I know that person is being taken care of and I shouldn't worry because that person is OKAY :-) Anyways, a question running in my head when I think of being single and the winter time.
What's on My Mind
Oh yeah last minute thought... Will I ever see him again.. so we can just talk and just maybe... just maybe be friends & just friends... idk Time will tell on that also
Hmm I think I am gonna study and watch a movie... wish I could have some kettle corn.... FASTING
~Ash~
WINTER
Winter has this random effect on SINGLE people of all ages. Like right now, I should be feeling LONELY & SAD cause I'm at home ALONE & I'm SINGLE but... for some odd reason I'm OKAY. Yes, I will admit I am missing a certain person... I've been missing that person for days and weeks, but I know that person is being taken care of and I shouldn't worry because that person is OKAY :-) Anyways, a question running in my head when I think of being single and the winter time.
- Why are there so many lonely people in the winter and why are there so many lonely Christmas songs...aka What do the Lonely do at Christmas & Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away...LOL what's the deal ?
What's on My Mind
- When is the snow going to melt, I got things to do
- This is my last quarter at Aia, I'm excited for my next step in my life but I'm really gonna miss being in school.. I've met a lot of cool people & I have learned a lot being there
- I'm hungry & what some CHEESE pizza with some chi tea or that sparkling pink lemonade from Target but I'm FASTING for 21 days.. so far so good tho
- I want to go outside & play in the snow but... for some odd reason when I want to go outside everybody & their pets be wanting to stay indoors.. what's up with that?
- I have to past these 2 tests... It just means to much to me & to my life.. Can't wait to get it over with
- When will I ___________ hmm time will tell
- I want to listen to some of my favorite tunes but it leads my mind to thinking of.........
- I really want some ice cream right now... FASTING
- Jeffery Campbell oh how I love you :-) Your shoes are to live for
- Subs in the park in the Spring :-)
- I need to get my stuff & business name copy-written before somebody jack me for my paper lol
- I can't wait till I get a REAL job so I can get an apartment... either I'm staying here or I'm moving out of state either to NYC or Cali... we will see... but I am not moving to Texas
Oh yeah last minute thought... Will I ever see him again.. so we can just talk and just maybe... just maybe be friends & just friends... idk Time will tell on that also
Hmm I think I am gonna study and watch a movie... wish I could have some kettle corn.... FASTING
~Ash~
Monday, January 10, 2011
What's hidden from you is sometimes hidden within you
The Run Around
Run,
Run,
Run,
But you sho can't hide
We run around town
Around and around
To find something
That can't be found
What we are seeking for
Is something that we adore
Even though we have left it behind
The connection has been lost, toss with a cost
Cause we are all ways on the grind
If only we could take the time
To realize
That what we are in search for
Has lived within us for all this time
We need it to survive in this life
To stay alive in this life
But what will we decide
We can either
Decline,
run & hide
Or
Be bold & kind
& forfill what's in design
For us
Trust is a must
It keeps us just
It keeps our mind align
With reality combine
with what's yours & what's mine
Maybe we will find
what's hidden between the lines
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Sunday, January 9, 2011
Feelings
Just trying to find my way
Find my way back to safe-tay
where I had that complete protection
and direction
of what to do
or where to go
who to meet
or how to show
my true feelings
upon whatever
or whomever
wants to listen
or pay attention
I have a lot to say
this pain being itchin
me
to speak
up for me
so I can let all know
how i feel about what all is going on
around we
Gotta some changes to make ya know
so Let's go
Find my way back to safe-tay
where I had that complete protection
and direction
of what to do
or where to go
who to meet
or how to show
my true feelings
upon whatever
or whomever
wants to listen
or pay attention
I have a lot to say
this pain being itchin
me
to speak
up for me
so I can let all know
how i feel about what all is going on
around we
Gotta some changes to make ya know
so Let's go
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Finally... Finish.. I have so many more drafts to go
Ok so when I write majority of my poetry are TO BE CONTINUED or left with some type of of cliffhanger... wait aint that the same thing. Well, anyways I just finished a poem that I was working on in June of last year and I post it in August of last year and I just finished this year.
I know... that's horrible but I had got writer's block & I got distracted by LIFE... whatever.
Here it is :
I know... that's horrible but I had got writer's block & I got distracted by LIFE... whatever.
Here it is :
Tell me what's on your mind
and I will do the same.
If you tell me you're doing fine
then I will know who to blame.
What actually does fine mean ?
All I ask is for you to explain
You say fine is fine,
why do you complain?
I complain
Because...
The truth is all I proclaim
I feel like you are hiding something
which is why I am going insane
You are not the same I tell you
You are not the same
You stare me right in the face
Tell me I need to find a place
So I can chill and calm down
I say ok
But with a frown
I settle down
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Thanks Calvin!!!!!
So... This is How I Feel Some Times When I Write!!!
My friend Calvin Fordham introduced me to SinFest, I think a couple weeks ago but, I never took the time to really looking into any of the comics unless he sent them to me via facebook. And now I feel like a Sin Fest addict. Sin Fest is so easy to relate to, even older couples can relate. The creator is Tatsuya Ishida, a Japanese American philosopher. He kinda looks like Slick in the above comic. Everybody when you get some down time check out sinfest.net when you want to be cheered up. Ok I'm done for the day with Sin Fest. Thanks Calvin!!!!
Here is a link the beginning of this comic strip
~Ash~
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Unsolved Mysterious
So.. I'm having the most weirdest moment right now. I'm not thinking about anything but I can't stop laughing and smiling. Oh my Lord, what is wrong with me? I wish I knew why I was laughing and smiling so hard but I don't. Sometimes we as people be wanting to know the answers to every question to solve a problem. We feel if the problem has some sort of a solution we can conclude it and be the HERO. But sometimes some problems are just left unsolved... Unsolved Mysterious
~Ash~
~Ash~
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Last year I was FEARFUL.. this year I am FIERCE..
It's crazy how sometimes I leap before I think."Live life with no regrets..Really?" Well, that was back in 2010. This year everything is gonna be alright...
Last year, I ....... this year I..... cause everything is gonna be alright
What I learned or what was brought back to my remembrance in 2010
~Ash~
Last year, I ....... this year I..... cause everything is gonna be alright
- Last year, I was fearFUL about everything.... this year I am fearLESS about everything cause everything is gonna be alright.
- Last year, I took upon a load that well I couldn't bare... this year I am only going to take things one at a time its all gonna get done cause everything gonna be alright.
- Last year, I swear I was SUPERWOMAN, trying to help everyone with an issue but forgetting about myself... this year ME comes 1st so I won't end up a CATWOMAN...lonely with 30 cats... you folks are just gonna have to deal with that... but I love ya'll tho everything gonna be alright
What I learned or what was brought back to my remembrance in 2010
- Don't jump to conclusions... wait a minute or 2
- Ask questions & don't be afraid of the answers... it just might be what you are looking for
- Pay attention to detail at all times because you just might need some of that information
- Love makes the world go round but honesty, understanding & communication makes it function properly
- Take a walk on the wild side, it's fun but don't get too buckwild
- Dreamkillers are the biggest haters
- FOCUS!!!!
~Ash~
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