To write each day...

Today I have decided that I must write something each day even if it's just one sentence. One sentence can inspire someone in many ways that I don't know. I have to let God use me in all the ways that he can through all the gifts he has stored inside me.

One simple sentence can brighten somebodies day or at least make that frown go away.

I live for Today
And Tomorrow
No longer will the sorrows
From Yesterday borrow
My heart,
My soul,
My mind,
They belong to me & God
All the time.

Yep....this is going to be a great year of opportunity, I can feel it !!!!

HELP!!!

Why is it so easy to give up & quit ?
Like right now I feel like throwing in the towel
but my pride won't let me give up.
Man I want to go to NYC so bad
I'm finish with college & NYC would be my next step to getting to my dreams
Someone encourage me

:-/

Right now I feel...

• sad
• mad
• frustrated
• bloated 
• confused
• incomplete

How I want to feel...

• happy
• accomplished
• thankful
• complete

Right now I feel like nobody cares about me.... I feel like the only thing they care about is what they can benefit from me like my time, my love, my attention,. and etc.

I feel like nobody wants me to succeed or get a head in life, they all just want me to stay stagnant & stay in one place but I can't that's not me.

I'm a creative and I must move.... I must visit new places so I can increase my mind & learn more.

I want to be happy but it seems like nobody wants my happiness... they just want me to make them happy & that's it.

IDK

Miserable 101

Right now
I wish I had someone to talk to
Feeling really sad
hope this doesn't get bad
this is all temperately

I Miss YOu

I been thinking bout this for a while now
Like how you use to make me smile
Wow
Time has past since I been with you
You probably dont have a clue that I actually miss you
I miss the you before all the downfall
I miss the you so ambitious & goal oriented
The you that never treated me like a doll
Some toy you just pick up & put down when ever needing entertainment or to turn ya frown upside down
I miss the you that had such a heart filled with joy that you could never tell that ya heart was actually destroy
I miss you
But maybe that was never you
& just a cover up to get me to like you
IDK I just miss you but I know you ok :-)

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Missing you..

What should I do when I'm missing you
Should I wait till you call me
Or should I call you
Since I'm the one that's feeling lonely
It's not really Loneliness per say
It's just ___________________________
Idk forget it

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I want....

I am a women
Yet I still feel like a girl
Maybe cause i still have that twist & turl
That the young girls do
I dont know
All I know is
I want what I want
What I want want want
Yeah like Rihanna
But not complete like her
Cause she get coocoo
And that aint me
Hmmmmm

TO BE CONT till I FIND A SOLUTION....

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Proud

I'm proud of you
But I still dont want you
I'm proud of me
Cause even tho you said the right words
They didnt effect me... Sorry
Once you put ya words to action
& breath out some kinda satifaction
Then maybe
just maybe
you'll get some action
With me or somebody
I don't know
All I know is I want you to do something
Something great
Something wonderful
For yourself
I know you are capable
Because I know you
And I love you

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To my knowledge, its over....

Its over
I know it
You know it
Actually
We both probably been known it
For a long time
But just said nothing
Trying to make whatever
was there
To reappear
But its gone
And probably
Wont be back
For how long
Who knows
I dont
And for right now
Im not trying to figure it out

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How im feel right now lol

Feeling kinda strange
Maybe it's the week
Today is on Wednesday
Maybe it's cause I talked to my mommy
I dont know
All I know is I dont want to be bother
By you or those that look like you
Just leave me be
Give me time to think
Maybe a week
I will be fine
& so will you
So i'm gonna be kind
And not say F you
That would be rude
& not right
The best thing that i would like
Is for us to stay tight
But not to close because ya never know
What one could be holding on to

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Random Thought Before I Go to Bed: Games

Question: Why do we play games... mind games or tricks or clues... etc? Why?

A: IDK... I think its kinda natural & embeded in women or men to do this. I actually believe we don't know we are doing this.

Women: We are always waiting for guys to take the lead in everything & that kind hinder us from stepping out with making decision which is a shame because before them you was being all INDEPENDANT & stuff.. What happen?

Men: You guys be acting CLUELESS... but I swear ya'll are smart. Like I swear ya'll know how to get what ya'll want well some of ya'll. At times, you don't even have to do anything & you just get it handed to you for FREE

Women: If you want to talk to him, talk to him, call him or text him... but dont overdo it tho & you can wait on him to contact you but that might take some time... so maybe you should just contact him so you won't die

Men: Don't keep a woman waiting or she will move on to another dude

Women: The same in reverse

Okay I'm going to bed.

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Lately...

Lately,
I been buggin
I been feelin a bit of Up & Down
It's like someone put me in a blender
And got my head spinning around and around
That for some reason, I could no longer hear the sound
Of my own voice
You know that Inner Me that tells you
What's right & what's wrong
Which way to go & which way to turn
Who to talk to & who to leave alone

Lately,
I been igoring it all
With fear that I might fall
Sadly, I know
That's not the way to go
I had fell into a pit that I had digged
And for some reason, I didnt know how to get out of it.

My mind kept on coming up with all these questions of Groupies vs. Friends...
Life or Death....
Where should I go...
When does this story end ?
I just scream out "NO, I can't do this anymore..
Sending myself into isolation... confusion... Self doubt...
That's not what I live for,
That's not what I'm about"

Back to the Norm
Back to my Regular Form
Embracing my imperfections
Leading me into the right direction
Of where I should I go
Who I should I know

Lately,
I been feeling good
I been getting it in
Endlessly Winning
With a friend
Thank you God for bring me out
With you.. there is no reason to doubt.

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Call Me

I want you to call me
When you're thinking of me
Yeah, texting is good
Facebook is great
But honey, I really want you to take me on a date
You know a nice night on the town
Maybe a place where nobody familar is around
Something simple & sweet
Don't be afraid to be cheesy or cheap
I just want to get away from the normal chillin & cozin in your manly cave
And start cruising & moving outdoors away from your homazes
I want to be with you
Get to know you
See if I really like you
And not just "the silly little things" that we do
You mean more to me that that
I actually care about you
And the things that you do that make you.. you
So go on head & call me boo
Hopefully, I'll see you soon.

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Random Thoughts while watching Monster's INC with the Bro

* I want a job but it has to be flexible so I still have a life & work on Descova U & do events / photo shoots

* I think I finally pushed HIM alway & all I did was give God credit for me being so compassionate lol ok I'm overthinking but if I'm right this is gonna be funny

* I really would like a REALITY TV SHOW of my life... show the world who I am & the things I do & showing them my cool friends... i have some cool people in my life

* I cant wait to dye my hair & finally pierce my nose... im gonna def do that when i finally start driving

* Some times I want to date & have a boyfriend but at times i don't even want to have friends because at times it all a bit too much & i just be want to keep to myself

* Can't wait to visit NYC

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Goals

Ok so I have a couple of goals that I need to accomplished for the next couple months before June 18 which is the day of my Graduation Ceremony.

Since I am already out of school, I have enough time to accomplish all these tasks & I have the help, so there will be no worries.

(1) Driver's License - I have to & need to get them asap. And when I get them... I'm only gonna tell a few people... the others will find out on their own.. like the might see me driving on the street right next to them & they will say "what... when did that happen? " & I will just smile & say in my head bow thaodow how ya like me now & keep it moving since i would be driving I'M READY... BEEN READY... now I have the time.. so I'm good

(2) Resumes OUT - My resume looks fab & I need employers too see it so I'm gonna go to all the malls mainless, Town Center, Perimeter, & Lenox cause girlfriend needs a J-O-B asap

(3) - Phone Calls - I have a couple of phone calls to make to get info about "The Future" so I'm gonna make a couple phone calls this week. Petra Alexander & Touch By An Angel are calling my name loud & clear

(4) Cut off Usless waste - Somethings or some people I no longer need in my life.... its funny cause I just notice that i use people as much as the use me... I use people as a security blanket sometimes like when im starting something new... I like to make myself feel like they are holding me back but in reality I'm the one that's holding myself back... so I got to make some changes & move a head :-)

(5) Tithing/Offering - this should have been my 1st goals because i been putting it last for the last couple of months & thats not good... God has been too good to me to put him last... I'm working on alot of stuff.. but nothing to hard unless i make it that way

(6) Promoting MYSELF aka DESCOVA U - I did such a great job in my Portfolio Review with my teachers & Portfolio Show was awesome... so I need to promote myself more often... like carrying my business cards with me at all times


+++These goals are pretty simple... cant wait to accomplished them... I love setting goals+++

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Ready

Ready for a Change

Ready for something new
Ready to meet new people in a new state
Ready to fall in love or may I say grow in love but with who
Ready to start my life as an offical adult
Ready to move
Ready to get what needs to be got

Overall I'm just ready for Newness... I just recently graduate from college... and I'm ready to move into my life as an REAL adult doing big things.

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Who are You ?

Baby, where are you?
Sometimes I wish I could be near you
Or with you
Every step of the way
Watching you from behind just doing ya thang
Smiling to myself or to my girls saying things like
That's my guy
I can't even lie
He just make me feel so alive
Inside & Out
I could never doubt
That he loves me
As much as I love him
On daily
I want to see you
Or just hear from you
So I can know what's up with you
But first things first
Who are you?

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20 Random "Ash" Thoughts for the Morning

So.. I haven't blogged in a long bit but, I still been writing tho, thanks to my Creative Writing class.

But anyways, I got a couple things on my noggin that I want to expression

(1) If a turtle looses its shell.. is he naked or homeless? (I saw that on twitter or tumbler and thought it was cute)

(2) I need a job & much more

(3) What's the deal with Black people & POLO and Mexicans & Aeropostale

(4) Why are "strange men" attracted to me... maybe Im a stranger

(5) When things are going right in my life, why do i always find some way to make a problem occur?

(6) Polo starting to annoy me... not Ralph Lauren but Polo.. there's a difference

(7) I love Bruno Mars, B.o.B., Janelle Monae, Far East Movement, Marsha Ambrious, and other new artists

(8) Why do I feel like I'm being tested when I seriously thought I was doing the testing.. how assignments get swapped

(9) I want my portfolio to be FAB but I'm kinda afraid that I want get what I want because at times it seems like I don't get what I want

(10) I want to go shopping for some cute & short spring/summer dresses... this summer I am gonna wear more shorts also... sidenote: I need a new bathsuit... Im unsure if I can wear a 2 piece this year even some people on the beach be doing a bikini wrong

(11) You can love someone and not be inlove with them... i know that & I understand that

(12) Subs in the Park = :-)

(13) I have to stop giving my number out to people i dont attend talking to

(14) I have a feeling that a bunch of "RELATIONSHIP" are going to bloom this Spring... hopefully they last till Christmas... that would be awesome

(15) I love it when the sky turns different colors.. sometimes its blue.. some times its gray.. sometimes its hott pink... and sometimes its black... the atmosphere is so a female

(16) What is the definition of "originality ?" I personally believe some people are forgetting that or erasing it from their brain cells

(17) I can't stand a man that talks to much... its a bit annoying... pick up a new hobby called "Listening"... its pretty popular at least where I come from

(18) If I could be some where other then here in GA, I would either be either in Flo on the beach or in Cali on the beach with a "special someone" just relaxing & enjoy the sun & enjoying each other... that day will come "someday"

(19) Why am I still congested with muchus... omg Lord I need to breath & smell

(20) If I had one wish, it would be to ________________ & then I just might feel complete... lol

---> And that's about it for my Random Thoughts for now<---

~Ash.Jak~

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Drama Queen Leeches: Who Needs them ? Not I.

Topic of the Day: Why do Females Love Drama?

I am a women that tries to stay away or out of drama but, for some reason I always slip in. I am not a women that craves the action of drama in my life, I barely like it on the big screen or in the media half the time. For some reason, I get involved because I am always trying help a friend or solve their problem and most of the time, I end up making the problem my problem and then I end up with scars and all I was trying to do is help.

Additional Questions:

Why do women like to add their friends into their drama?
When women get out of one situation why do they put themselves in another situations?
When is it right to say "NO"?

I have the answer to my last question. The answer is NOW, RIGHT NOW. Tell all your friends, that have drama field lives to suck on an egg & leave your out of it. Just say "NO...."

~Ash~

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Failing Test: To Weep or To Try Again & Win

When you keep on failing test after test... its no time to mope & cry. What does that solve anyways, Nothing at all... it just makes you feel worst about yourself and the test that you failed.

You could either dwell in your sorrow or try again. The more you try, you are bound to win. The key to pasting any test is having the knowledge of what on the test. Once you know your stuff, can't nobody tell nothing that you won't pass. Stay Focus. Resist distractions. Stay far away from leeches. And always stay in Faith & Be confidenct.

~Ash~

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